Being a sex worker is many things; exciting, frustrating, fulfilling, and sometimes flat out boring. But one thing being a sex worker is definitely not is easy. A common fallacy of outsiders (and sometimes insiders!) is that we make money by laying on our backs and getting our nails done. If only. Of course there are plenty of mid-tier sex workers who will happily embody this stereotype, but they aren’t the ones making the big money. So if you are new to the game, or have been at it for a while but suspect you’re falling into the mid-tier sex worker category, then you may be wondering just how does a great sex worker become so good at her job?
There are a few things that all great (read: rich) sex workers have in common:
They are good with people
After working in this industry for a while it’s easy to forget that our clients are actually people, living people lives and feeling people feelings. Avoid the temptation to roll out a blanket ‘one-size-fits-all’ service for every client. All your clients are unique and need different things. Some may be interested in you as a person while others just want someone to vent to – I call this the ‘mirror service’, because they really just want you to be a magic mirror that reflects good things about them. Being able to pick up on the nuances of your client’s needs is a skill, and involves patience and the ability to read subtle social cues. Nail this skill and you’ll be successful in any career, by the way.
They respect their clients
If there’s one thing we sex workers a great at, it’s complaining about our clients. I often meet girls who are seemingly impossible to please, and find something about their client to rag on no matter who walks through their door. While I suspect these girls are secretly unhappy in the job, it’s easy to get caught up in the wave of man-hating that permeates brothels and online forums. The problem is that once that negative mindset sets in it is literally impossible to give a genuinely great service. The nature of our job is so intimate that if you hate your clients, they are going to feel that at some level. Take a step back and think about what your clients actually get out of your time together. It’s probably not just sex they come for, but intimacy and a human touch. Everybody deserves to feel love, and the fact that you can provide that for people is a special thing. Basic respect for the men you meet will determine not only how they feel when they are with you, but how you feel when you’re at work too.
They look after themselves
A mixture of long shifts, late nights and close proximity to hundreds of people’s germs means sex workers get sick – a lot. Of course if you’re sick you can’t work, and therefore you can’t make money, but even when you aren’t sick, if you’re not looking after yourself it affects your energy levels, appearance and general ability to kick ass. A healthy diet and regular exercise are an absolute must – your body is your only asset, it’s the one thing you use to make you money. If you were renting out your flat on AirBnb you wouldn’t leave the sheets dirty, the floors un-mopped and a smashed television in the lounge. Same goes for your body.
Looking after yourself is two-fold. It’s just as important to look after your mind as it is your body. Time away from the job is so important for your sanity. Find something totally unrelated to sex work that you can indulge in at least once a week. For me it’s hiking. I make the effort to leave all my tech behind and hit the trail as often as I can. It gives me the opportunity to reset and grapple with any stresses I have away from the real world. I also preach the value of having friends outside the industry. Our world is a strange one, and I believe it’s important to step outside of it from time to time and gain a bit of perspective. Keeping your mind healthy means you can come back to work replenished, ready to give your best self to your clients.
They aren’t doing it for the money
Ok, this one is counter-intuitive I know, but hear me out. While we are all in it for the money in the scheme of things, really great sex workers aren’t desperate for money. They budget, they save and they invest, so that when they come to work they are relaxed and free to think about other things in their down time. If they have a quiet day it’s no issue, because they don’t live paycheck to paycheck. On the other hand a scary number of my colleagues sit at work waiting for the booking that will pay their rent. Not only is this incredibly stressful for them, but it changes their demeanour around clients. There’s an old sex worker’s tale that says if you’re too desperate for the booking, you won’t get booked. Avoid that hopeless situation with my guide to healthy finances.
As always, please feel free to get in touch via the contact page. I love hearing from my colleagues!
Love Lucy x